My affair with a cookie

My love for chocolate cookies is almost as deep as the love for my two children. I could eat an entire box of cookies in one sitting. No joke. And it wouldn't really matter what kind of cookie it was -- as long as it was CHOCOLATE.

You see, I was the world's biggest emotional eater and cookies were the medication I needed to get me through any stress, break-down or temper tantrum. You name it and a cookie could solve the problem. I would even sometimes go with my beloved cookies into the bathroom and lock the door just so I wouldn't have to share with the little cookie monsters in my house. I was having a very serious relationship with cookies.

And then came the diagnosis, who ruined my relationship. Celiac disease took away my most reliable friend. I had to break-up with cookies. And I was devastated. Who would make my tears go away from now on? Who would help me feel stable in a sometimes crazy world? An apple? A banana? No way. No one would replace my beloved cookie. If I couldn't be with my cookie, I wasn't going to have an emotional eating relationship with anyone else. An apple, ha, the thought made me laugh!

 How I missed my cookies! It was two months of agonizing separation, but SHHHH don't tell anyone, I reunited with my love just last night.

I couldn't take it anymore, I missed my cookie so badly. Just one bite I thought. One bite won't hurt. And I was right. One bite didn't hurt. So a half an hour later when I went back for another bite, I thought, ok two bites won't hurt either. And it didn't. So another bite, the cookie was gone and I pulled out the second one from the box. It was like watching a scene from Romeo and Juliette. The love. The forbidden love. I was Eve with the forbidden fruit.

I kept taking bites until I was on cookie number three. Three cookies and my belly was fine. I could go to bed with a chocolate laced smile on my face. No way I was brushing my teeth before bed. I wanted to savor the aftertaste for as long as I could. I had no idea when I could see my love again. It could be weeks or even months.

I was re-united with my cookie. But we have to keep it a secret, if anyone were to find out, I would be shamed into forever leaving them behind. Or worse, eating almond flour cookies!

Celiac disease sucks

Im starting this blog to try to control my cheating, to try to shame myself into being a good celiac girl. You see I was just diagnosed with celiac at age 40. In some ways it was a relief and I understood why I had so many health issues.

So its only been two months and its been freaking hard to deal with. Especially now since I am healed a bit. The very first time I cheated was this week. I wanted chocolate so badly. I lost
control and bought some M&M's. I ate 3 and didn't get sick. So the next day, I ate the bag.

I got sick, but not bad. Just a little diaherra. So I had thoughts of cheating more and more until im full blown sick. I was even doubting the diagnosis.

Here are my struggles with going gluten free and my cheating confessions